Posts Tagged ‘mother’

This isn’t a subject I enjoy talking about.  It’s been an ongoing issue now for around 10 years.  My wife and I tried to get pregnant years ago to no avail.  It was obvious, looking back, there was an issue with one of us.  At the time, I was in denial.

I apologize in advance…the timeline of events will not be accurate.  Some of the details will also be incorrect.

After tests, it was determined it was my issue.  I had a motility issue.  My “swimmers” didn’t swim.  I had several test samples and my motility rate was anywhere from 0% to 9%.  I think the doctors told us at a minimum; it needed to be around 20%.  I did; however, produce far more than average.  So, how can you get to where you want to go when you are surrounded by a mosh pit.  That’s what I always said anyway.  I suppose that was my way of dealing with the fact “I can’t get my wife pregnant!”

We then started looking into medical procedures that would assist us.  We decided on intrauterine insemination (IUI).  This is the process of washing the sperm and shooting it directly into the uterus.  In order to improve our chances, my wife had to take daily shots and Clomid pills in order to mass produce eggs during ovulation.  Jennifer went thru a lot and I was shown a room and given a Home and Garden magazine to do my duty.  That’s not a lie.

We tried IUI several time and each time my boys failed to do their job.  Each time my wife would take it hard and I knew why.  Because I was failing her.  I could not get my wife pregnant, even with 21st century medicine and Home and Garden.

But, that didn’t mean we could not be parents.  Prior to getting married and talking about having children, my wife expressed an interest in adopting a baby girl from China.  She has always wanted to do that.  I had no problems with that.  We figured we would have 2 or 3, and then adopt down the road.

Because of my infertility issues, we decided we would look into adoption sooner, rather than later.  Ironically, my neighbor growing up (and a fellow Iowa State grad), worked at an adopting center in St. Paul, MN.  And even more ironic, she worked in the China department.  So, it was sign.

We went thru the process.  It wasn’t quick.  The process is very drawn out and expensive.  But, we took it in stride and eventually received a picture of our daughter.  It wasn’t long after that first photo, Jennifer was on a plane to China for almost two weeks to close the deal and bring her home.

We officially started our family and we couldn’t be happier.  However, we still tried getting pregnant.  We started a couple more IUI cycles until we finally, a couple years ago, decided to try in vitro fertilization (IVF), this is when eggs and sperm are brought together in a laboratory glass dish to allow the sperm to fertilize an egg.  In our case, they also did Intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI).  ICSI, is when they drill a hole in the egg and insert the sperm.  How small of a drill bit did they use?  They didn’t think my boys would be able to swim strong enough to drill thru themselves.  How can that be!  I am a 400 pound plus bencher!

This process, while improving the odds over IUI, is also far more costly and dangerous.  Jennifer would have to go under when they retrieved the eggs.  I was given a much more appropriate magazine this time and they also had videos.  After all, we went to Mayo Clinic for this, and they are the best in the world at treating the sick and their library of porn.

After a few days, we ended with five embryos; however, only a couple looked real strong.  They ended up inserting two of them.  They wouldn’t, out of ethical reasons, insert more than three.  That’s how the Octomom ended up with eight kids.

It didn’t work.  Failure again.  We haven’t tried a medical procedure since.  At some point, you have to just see the writing on the wall.  It was speaking real clear.  “You will never get your wife pregnant!”  That, and it’s very expensive.  I have come to accept the fact that there is something wrong with me and we can’t do anything about it.  I am not any less of a man because of it.

Even with my issues, this doesn’t mean we have to be a single child family.  So, my wife put us on the waiting list to adopt from the Marshall Islands.  In fact, a month or so ago, we got an e-mail telling us they are opening the Marshall Islands up for adoption again and they wanted to know if we wanted to remain on the waiting list.  So, perhaps one day we will have another child to add to our family….

…..On April 5, 2013, I watched and saw its heartbeat.

Don’t give up, don’t ever give up – Jim Valvano